Written by Michael Thervil
Photo by Yuri A/Shutterstock
No matter how you slice the pie, everyone is looking for something to gain from whoever they meet. This goes for both men and women. And quite honestly many people around the world sees nothing wrong with that. So, it’s safe to say that being transactional in intimate relationships is not only normal but can be considered the standard. But what happens when people in relationships misapply the transactional mindset? Put another way, what happens when people get into intimate relationships with the solely focus of extracting what they can from another person instead of working collaboratively to manifest both of each other’s goals and aspirations in a relationship?
The answer appears to limited success for both people – which ultimately harms the general society that they live and operate in. Before the advent of love being a prerequisite for two people to get married, marriages where essentially created to stop one tribe/family of people from fighting another tribe/family of people. During those times, the institution of marriage was considered a safe way to bring about and maintain peace and stability between families who again, often had contrasting views and opinions. In short, the institution of marriage was considered a “tactical solution” to a real-world social problem.
However, when you fast forward to current times, this is no longer the case – and for several reasons which we will not explore here. Instead, we’d like to get to the “meat and potatoes” and that is, how the misapplication of the transactional mindset is killing relationships in modern times. Instead of two people getting married for peace, stability and bilaterally working together for a common goal, people are dating or getting marriage to get what they can for as long as they can before they bail out and find another person to essentially leach off, until they can’t extract anything else. Summed up in layman’s terms:
For men it’s the opportunity for sex and the passing of DNA
For women it’s material gain and status
There lies the dichotomy. Men in general have not only become used to, but outright expect women no matter the caliber to extract what they can from them, then bail. The issue with this is that women in the eyes of men have now reduced themselves to nothing more than monkey-branching disposable &/or limited time use objects for lease in a world that men dominate and control. In contrast, many women around the world feel that by exercising a transactional mindset, they’ve gained not only a sense of control over men, but they are in effect “securing” their future.
But the misapplication of the transactional mindset in modern times has warped into what is known as a “pay-to-play” mindset which overwhelmingly works better for Men than women. The reason for this is because men don’t have to subject themselves to marriage in order to get what they want and they get to keep their financial resources secure. However, the adoption of the pay-to-play mentality by women destroys them in the long term because for a woman to be considered complete by conventional society she must acquire a husband and a family. Keep in mind that men are better at adapting to adverse environments than women so it’s no real loss to them.
All seems fair right? Wrong. The truth is that since men, who not only have built the world that women live in, but it’s men who will always by design perpetually control the world that women live in. Why? Because men have the physical strength to take it, control it, and maintain it. Remember the world belongs to those that can take it and hold on to it. And thus, by women adopting and misapplying a transactional mindset when it comes to securing men – women only further cheapen their own value in the eyes of men. Put another way, by their own doing, women reduce themselves to either recreational use/disposable single use items. Remember men are the primary consumers of women as they literally buy women off the market through marriage in modern times.
When women warp the transactional mindset into a pay-for-play mindset, they end up with so many sexual partners that they lose their ability to pair bond. When that occurs, women more so than men, and the general society loses. The result equals a broken society. With a broken society comes broken families and broken children. This sounds a lot like what we are experiencing today.
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